Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
