Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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