Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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