never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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