Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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