I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
