omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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