FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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