I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
