I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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