I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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