i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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