so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
