We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
