Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
