I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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