he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Buhtt sex?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
