id be glad to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
