Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
