drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
