she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
