I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
