Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
