i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
