im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
