I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pants 0. Shit 1.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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