So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
