Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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