I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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