I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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