and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
