It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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