you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
