Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
