I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
