I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
