I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
