I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
