After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
