You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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