he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
