I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
