can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
