Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you traded sex for a burrito?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
