I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
