his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
