She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I had to cum in my sink.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
