My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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