I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize