Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
