Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
