Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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