suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
