the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
