I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize