You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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