Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
