HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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