Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
