i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
