Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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