Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize