Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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