my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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