I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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