I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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