Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
