I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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