I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize