guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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