I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
