"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
